Trump Demands Canada Pay Rent for Being Above America, Threatens to Revoke Their "Upstairs Neighbor" Status

President Donald Trump has issued an ultimatum to Canada demanding immediate payment of $2.7 trillion in backdated rent for occupying the space directly above the United States, threatening to revoke the nation's "upstairs neighbor" status if payment is not received by August 1st.

The unprecedented demand stems from what Trump calls a "massive geographical loophole" that has allowed Canada to exist rent-free above America since 1867. The White House has calculated the debt using standard Manhattan real estate rates, multiplied by Canada's total square footage, and compounded annually with interest.

"They've been freeloading up there for 157 years without paying a dime," explained White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, speaking from a newly installed periscope that allows officials to monitor Canada's activities from below. "We're talking about prime North American real estate with mountain views and aurora access. That doesn't come free."

The administration has established the Department of Vertical Border Security, tasked with installing "geographic eviction notices" along the 49th parallel. The agency has also begun construction of a massive ceiling fan system designed to create "upward airflow disruption" until rent payments commence.

Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney initially dismissed the demands as "physically impossible," but reversed course after Trump threatened to "turn America upside down" using what he described as "tremendous rotation technology developed by very smart people."

According to leaked documents, the Trump administration is simultaneously pursuing rent collection from Mexico for "basement privileges" and has opened negotiations with ocean-floor nations for "underwater squatting violations."

Real estate experts note that the geographical rent concept represents a 847% increase in creative property law applications, with several other world leaders reportedly consulting lawyers about potential "neighbor proximity fees."

The White House has offered Canada a payment plan option, accepting either cash, maple syrup, or what officials describe as "one really good apology for being so tall."